Chop Steak writes the great American novel.

That’s right. As of November 1st, I’m officially in a cave trying to write a 50,000 word novel. I’ve always wanted to try this, and with relatively little to do in November this year, I think this is it. Anyone wanting to join me, head to nanowrimo.org, and let’s rock. Add me as a buddy, username “chopsteak”. Also, if any of y’all want to cross promote via blog or whatever, holler. And on that note, goodnight.

Carpet and sponge mops are not friends.

Cleaning that shit was hard, yo.

That said, I’m pretty certain that the next time somebody walks into my bedroom, the first thought that comes to mind will not be “Did somebody run thru here vomiting?”

I’m sending this to the Resolve carpet cleaner company. Hopefully they’ll use it as ad copy.

So, I’m officially declaring my spot clean from the flu incident. I know you were all concerned.

In other news, score another one for teen beauty queens!

According to CNN, Miss Teen Louisiana lost her crown due to an arrest that stemmed from walking out on a restaurant tab, and possession of marijuana. She was arrested when she returned to the restaurant to claim her pocketbook, which contained the weed.

I’ll say this again, because it bears repeating.

She walked out on her tab.

And left her pocketbook.

In which she was carrying weed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am no hardened criminal. I do not advocate drug use, nor walking out on tabs. BUT. If you must, please please please do not be stupid enough to leave a bag full of ID and controlled substances behind, let alone go back for it.

People wonder what’s wrong with this country.

Sheesh.

I’m an hour late on tonight’s musical selection, but fuggit.

Choppa here with all the news that’s fit to print at 4 AM on Sunday morning.

First of all, Colt McCoy is a Texas legend. And the rest of the gang ain’t too shabby either. Kudos to Mack and the boys for handily dispatching Missouri 56-31 at DKR. It’s looking like we might have a for real-for real championship run on our hands, provided we can survive the rest of Big XII play this year.

In other play-with-your-balls news, get your shit together, D-Rays. Celtics and Sox in one year. Eff that.

Turning now to the literary department, I picked up a couple books at half price today: Dracula, which I’ve already started, and The Milagro Beanfield War, which apparently no good New Mexican should be without. Dracula is decent, 70 pages in. It’s told in the form of journals and letters back and forth between the main characters, which is an interesting multiple POV take, but a lot of the content seems very superfluous, and until somebody’s getting imprisoned by vampires or double crossed by gypsies, it’s tough to figure out where he’s going with this. It’s a good pre-Halloween read though.

And on a cigar note, I smoked half of an Olivia Serie V churchill this afternoon while reading. Spicy smoke, with a nice body to it. Draw was a little difficult, but my cutter didn’t fit all the way around the cap, so that may have been the problem. Good first half, but I had to put it out because the game was about to start, and when I came back to smoke the rest, it was mad chilly outside, so I gave up pretty quickly. I dislike temperatures below 60.

And on that note, goodnight, Ned.

Joe the plumber should come fix my toilet.

The flapper is a little loose (that’s what she said), and I have to jiggle the handle more often than I ought. That said, I had to wake up way too early this morning, and more or less dozed my way thru the final presidential debate. Sounds like McCain made a little headway though. Bleh.

Wearing a lovely jacket from the Karl Malone collection,

available at K-Mart, TJ Maxx, Rite Aid, and other fine retailers, Charles Barkley appeared on Larry King Live this evening. He dropped some of his trademark folksy, if awkwardly-worded wisdom, but the star of the show was definitely his jacket. It looked like something Gene Autry might have gone roping doggies in before breaking into a heartwarming song. It was navy blue with shiny accents in a giant paisley pattern. Fringes sold separately. I wish I had a picture of this fine garment, but the google is not my friend this evening.

In news no less hideous, apparently alcohol shrinks your brain. Oh wait. That’s mostly just women. Phew. Pass the scotch.

Dallas Cowboys management decided to increase locker room confusion today by trading for another Roy Williams. This is great news for the team, if only they had a quarterback. When asked to comment on the story, rapper Cam’ron said, “Pause…no Romo.” He then proceeded to push his purple-trimmed shopping cart down Lennox Ave in Harlem.

Saturdays…Saturdays…

It’s a lovely day in Austin TX. I seriously feel like just going to Mozart’s or some place and wasting the whole afternoon. My apartment is a mess though =(. L-Boog is in town. That always spells…interesting. SOUTHERN SOUL should be back early this week. Holla at me if you want a copy. I got them pre-orders, guhl.

And on that note…

IN-HOUSE NET!!!

Enjoy your weekend, kids.